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If you’re asking yourself “What is Malta?” it’s imperative that you click this post.

 

Megaliths, medieval dungeons and Calypso’s Cave – The Maltese Islands are positively mythic. The narrow meandering streets of their towns and villages lead to the main square, which is invariably dominated by the huge baroque church. As the countryside is dotted with medieval towers, wayside chapels and the oldest known human structures in the world, the Islands have rightly been described as an open-air museum.

 

 The Maltese archipelago lies virtually at the centre of the Mediterranean, 93 km south of Sicily and 288 km north of Africa. The archipelago consists of three islands: Malta, Gozo and Comino with a total population of over 400,000 inhabitants occupying an area of 316 square kilometers.

1. HELLO. THIS IS MALTA:

 Malta-harbour

Malta is a teeny-tiny country smack dab in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea.

2. Yes, Malta is small, but that doesn’t matter. You should think of it as a precious pearl in a vast sea of sapphire.

Yes, Malta is small, but that doesn't matter. You should think of it as a precious pearl in a vast sea of sapphire.

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Look how it shines.

3. Like most islands, it’s surrounded by water so blue you’ll want to punch yourself in the face.

Like most islands, it's surrounded by water so blue you'll want to punch yourself in the face.

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Go ahead, it’ll only hurt for a second.

4. And obnoxiously cool natural features, like this rock bridge to heaven.

And obnoxiously cool natural features, like this rock bridge to heaven.

Shutterstock

I’m so annoyed by this.

5. And they have tiny, colorful boats that’ll make you feel mad. Why can’t you have tiny, colorful boats? Probably because you’re not in Malta.

And they have tiny, colorful boats that'll make you feel mad. Why can't you have tiny, colorful boats? Probably because you're not in Malta.

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  • Stares wistfully out office window *

6. Listen, I get that Malta isn’t Italy or Greece or any of those sexy countries you’ve actually heard of, I’m just saying it still got it going on.

Listen, I get that Malta isn't Italy or Greece or any of those sexy countries you've actually heard of, I'm just saying it still got it going on.

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Bom chicka wow wow.

7. Yeah, Malta didn’t invent pizza and or, like, democracy. No one is arguing it’s the greatest country in the Mediterranean.

Yeah, Malta didn't invent pizza and or, like, democracy . No one is arguing it's the greatest country in the Mediterranean.

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You could still order pizza there, I bet. Democratically.

8. But it’s still a pretty fucking cool country.

But it's still a pretty fucking cool country.

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Aesthetically speaking. My knowledge of their politics goes as far as the Wikipedia page.

9. And you should know that. You should know that Malta exists, and it looks like THIS:

And you should know that. You should know that Malta exists, and it looks like THIS:

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With the doors, and the boats, and the water. Cut it out, Malta!

10. Look at this stupidly cute alley. Look at it. It’s real. It exists.

Look at this stupidly cute alley. Look at it. It's real. It exists.

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Does it make you feel things or are you dead inside?

11. Look at these lucky motherfuckers swimming in this natural pool. They’re real too.

Look at these lucky motherfuckers swimming in this natural pool. They're real too.

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Can we trade lives for like one second?

12.Let’s dive in Malta

malta-diving

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Let’s dive in Malta

13. You can literally go here!

You can literally go here!

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It’s not just a desktop wall paper, I swear.

14. Like, uggghhhhhhhh.

Like, uggghhhhhhhh.

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  • Looks up plane tickets to Malta *
    * cries *

15. kjhakjhvhkjahklajwhv kahgkajhvkljahg kjlavha.

kjhakjhvhkjahklajwhv kahgkajhvkljahg kjlavha.

Thinkstock

That is all. Please return to your life.

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